Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
