Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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