Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
