So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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