Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You left your phone here
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