go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
