Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
