You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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