I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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