Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
