Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize