Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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