I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
