Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize