Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
