They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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