I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize