She said her name was "party"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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