Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
