she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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