Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize