I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
