I can tuck mytits in my pants
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
