I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
