You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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