tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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