woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
