Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize