did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
