Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
