Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
