Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize