the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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