if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize