I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
