you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
