Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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