I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
