it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
