i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we should paint friendship bongs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
