idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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