Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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