Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
