i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize