Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
