2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
