my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
