you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
