tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
