There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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