just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
