What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
