fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
