Betty ford says i'm here all night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this boner is exhausting
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
