He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
