i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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