i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
