walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize