so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
