hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
