Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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