My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
