Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
