i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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