As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
