On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
