i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
