She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
