She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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