Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You need a sexual gate keeper
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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