he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
