i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
