apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
