Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
