we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
